The Suburban You by Mark Falanga

Author:Mark Falanga
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780767919661
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2004-09-21T04:00:00+00:00

Select a Video with Your Wife

Your kids are asleep and it is 8:30 P.M. It is a perfect evening to stay at home and rent a video or DVD. One day about nine months ago, you noticed when you went into Blockbuster that 90 percent of the selections were DVDs, not videos, which you had been accustomed to renting. The time before that when you went into this store, it seemed like their selection was better suited to your hardware capabilities, in that videos accounted for 90 percent of the selections. You get the hint. You are a man with flow and you go out and buy two DVD players for the TVs in your house where you do your movie watching.

That night, you and your wife think that it would be fun to rent one or the other. It doesn't matter now, because your family is current with its equipment. You are a home-movie switch-hitter. You look at the pile of dirty dishes on the kitchen table and say to your wife, “Honey, I don't want to trouble you with going to the video store on this cold evening. I will go out.”

She goes to one of her pads of paper and jots down the title of a video that her friend Robin told her about that morning. As she hands you a small folded slip of paper with her movie selection, she says, “Why don't you get this; Robin recommended it, and she always recommends something that you enjoy.” What your wife just told you is that this will be some sentimental love story in which someone is dying of cancer. Your wife will cry and be sad throughout the movie and you will be wishing that you were upstairs doing something more enjoyable with your time, like trying to figure out why your stock portfolio dropped by 30 percent over the past year. She hands you the folded scrap of paper, which you slip into your pocket while looking for your shoes, which your wife has relocated since you took them off a half hour ago.

“Great, honey,” you say, trying to get out of there as soon as possible, before your wife changes her mind and wants to go, leaving you with the dishes. “Could you pick up a gallon of two percent milk?” your wife requests as you leave the house.

You are thinking that you would like to see Day of the Jackal, but you know that this is not a movie that Robin would recommend, therefore it will not be a movie that makes your wife's list of must-sees.

You arrive at Blockbuster. One thing that you enjoy is walking around the store and looking at every title and reading the description of every movie. After doing this, you like to select what you think is the best one. Usually, after spending forty-five minutes selecting the perfect movie, you get home and one of three things occurs. One is that the movie that you took too much time selecting is one that your wife does not want to see.

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